Jobless in London: Or how I got scatological over Johnny Depp?

I knew I was not going to get the job when I received an email saying:

We get a lot of stories from celebrity’s Twitter page, which often means we have to build a whole story from a quote of just a couple of lines. I’d like to see how you would go about this, so please could you write a news story from the below post on Pete Wentz’s Twitter page:

“johnny depp is the shit. he owns an island and awesome cheekbones. pkease adopt me.”

The recruitment executive had helpfully sent me two recent examples from the magazine for my assistance. The first was about former Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson feeling ready to have sex again after giving birth to her first child, and the second announced the engagement of Kate Perry and Russell Brand.

Desperate as I was, I actually started investigating why certain Mr Wentz was getting scatological over Johnny Depp. Mr Wentz turned out to be the confession-happy lead bassist of the American band Fallout Boy, husband of celebrity singer Ashlee Simpson, and father to one-year-old Mowgli (that boy will grow up to have some complexes!).

The result was as follows:

Pete Wentz, the bassist of the American rock band Fall Out Boy, has his love for the Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp plastered over the internet with his latest tweet, “johnny depp is the shit. he owns an island and awesome cheekbones. pkease (sic) adopt me.”

Wentz is a long time fan of Johhny Depp, with whom he shares a love for eyeliner. In the past, the outspoken 30-year-old musician has admitted that one of his nightmares is Johnny joining his band, because he would have to stand so close to someone who is the “epitome of coolness”.

Pete’s latest outpouring could have been inspired by the fact that he has recently recorded a song for the soundtrack of the upcoming film Alice in Wonderland, which stars Johnny as the Mad Hatter. Pete collaborated with his long time friend and musician Mark Hoppus, the lead singer and bassist of the pop punk band Blink-182, for the song.

The island in question was bought by Johnny in the Caribbean in 2005.

So do Pete’s singer wife Ashlee Simpson and one-year-old son Bronx Mowgli Wentz come as package for adoption? The answer just might tilt the balance, Pete!

I felt like I had sold my soul. And 48 hours later, I was informed that my style was not suited to the magazine. Celebrity gossip journalism is “the shit” indeed.